i love my life as a dickhead!

we are having NEW AGE FUN with a VINTAGE feel.

courtesy of my lovely wife, with her hipster hate.

tourism australia.... oprah's new bitch.

it was revealed today that the queen of day time television, oprah, is planning a visit to our shores. in a deal with tourism australia, she hope to go out with a bang at the sydney opera house. celebrating her final season on television, this move is to me completely unexpected. are we just the highest bidder? or simply, the most desperate for fat american tourists with big wallets and even bigger mouths to come here and misunderstand our culture and get peeded on by a koala?

this will also be the first show to be filmed outside of america. ok so two things: 1, who cares? and 2, why here?

so i do care a little, only as a passing fancy and the 'ha cool' factor. the later point i think interests me more. surely oprah doesn't give two shits about our economy and its reliance on foreign tourism, so what's her motivation. my guess is money. although, tourism australia isn't spilling on how much money they have put into this scheme, new south wales has admitted to putting up $1 million (usd) towards this.

the episode announcing the trip 'down under' was viewed by 40 million americans and an estimated 30 million people internationally. 70 million people! almost 4 times our population. if even a sixth of them actually make a trip here that's.... well i don't know exactly but ALOT of people.

moreover, i can't see your average sydney-sider getting a seat in her opera house audience. the nicole kidmans of australia maybe, but me? probably not. ooh well, nothing we can do about it now.... welcome oprah. i suppose its better that she comes and visits than mel gibson.

i still miss you, bsg.

there is absolutely nothing i don't like about this video. check the portrait art's youtube profile. the person who draws these is my new role model..... you know, coming from someone who can't even sketch an accurate stick figure.

butt-ugly!

well, it isn't really a debate i find difficult to come to an opinion on. men who wear their pants half down their legs in an effort to flash their expensively branded ass look like docuhe bags who think a fun night out includes watching jersey shore and then maybe going out and robbing a bottle shop. still, i never thought i'd see the day when wearing your pants this way could be an illegal act. and i got to say, i love it!

now, the new york post is complete trash but the article re this news is pretty interesting and hilarious. check it here!

fyi, i just found out what jersey shore is and have never watched it. but, it seemed an appropriate metaphor for stupidity. cheers, kathryn. you teach me things.

live a crazy celebrities life.

we all remember the 'choose your own adventure' books from childhood. the ones that, when forced to read, most normal kids picked the shortest story possible. like most wonderful things it has made a resurgence. first poptisms NOW choose your own adventure: mel gibson.

i think this pretty much sells itself but, if not you can go through your own day of the drunk, drug addled, anti-semitic actor who now has a hot young new girlfriend. he is a properly crazy bastard i mean, look at that mugshot. imagine the crazy shit you could get up to in this fun freaky friday online situation!

check it out here!

looking forward to the rapture!

21st of august = judgement day! or in laymans terms, 2010 election day.... yay it's so soon. oh, i do love a good federal election esspecially, when the debates decline into name calling or in this years case a round of barely veiled angry flirting.

and on a related note there is a nice new drinking game going around related to the impending prime minister showdown. the rules are very simple, every time gillard or abbott use the specific phrase, 'moving forward' you do a shot. it really does have a simple eloquence that, the way this election is going, is sure to get you hammered all the way through this month and the next. i predict many drunk days at uni because, we all know that's were the labour party hangs out and liberal party follows hide and pretend they aren't in agreeance with casually racist political policy.

not that i'm bias or anything.... lets get our drink on! ANYONE BUT ABBOTT!

new hair!

'tis very blonde....what do we all think? yay or....yay?

your turn cait! revitalise your blog like you have your hair.

wollongong, i love you but you're bringing me down.

the song currently stuck in my head....

i have truly come to hate my phone....

and this is why. minus the small child this is exactly how i feel about answering my phone when the caller is someone i don't know. ALSO, i hate talking on the phone unless you are my mum, caitlin or ewan mcgregor. please continue to text, email, facebook or call 'round. for some reason i just don't operate well over a telephone line.

sorry.

damn you baby jane!

sorry guys, can't talk today busy making coffees and talking 'hagspoitation'. will explain later.

may the psycho biddy be with you.

french military victories - did not match any documents.

just a bit of good old french bashing. this is the result you used to get if you typed into google, 'french military victories' and then pressed 'i'm feeling lucky'. it unfortunately doesn't work anymore but i give you this pic in memory of the smart chickens that wrote this sneaky program. bravo!

goodbye luddy, HELLO huddy!

ok so house fans, SPOILER ALERT! don't watch the below vid if you want to be surprised by the shows latest instalment! if not, and you either don't give a crap about the show or love to be spoiled then check this out! this episode was shot using a canon 5d mark ii. the cameras comparably compact size allowed them to shoot in a much more confined space and also made the film easier to process and manipulate in its digital form.

so this is the very last scene of the episode, 'help me' and season 6. can't wait to see what the next season holds. it's an all new ball game! hooray! go david shore! bucking the 'moonlighting effect' as the piece of crap that it is!

no body likes a math geek, scully.

you short change a few people and suddenly your a bad person. my math skills are so very very bad. i just don't seem to have a knack for it. for some unknown reason adding 4 and 3 is insanely difficult and when i use a calculator to work it out customers look at me like i'm missing chromosome and tell me the total. as though i'm impressed by their ability to do simple math and read upside down.

maybe, i'm just a bit sensitive about my brains inability to function anymore. feeling slightly academicly inferior and it has begun to seep into my everyday life. ooh well, see how my last psych essay goes and then the decision to kill myself or not kill myself will have a final answer. until then, my current approach to university work will have to do.....putting things off right up until they are due the next morning and having to harass my friends for their knowledge at 2am. cheers wados! love you sooooo much!

ALSO, on a love note big happy birthday to my favouritst wife! cait is all grown up now. the big two o! they just grow up so fast!

facebook sucks! i need a life....

i have been a very bad blogger of late and haven't been posting for my 2 avid readers. get off my back mum! but it seems i have run out of things to say and stalking noel fielding online is taking up a lot of my time. oh and i work and i go to uni. but lets face it, it is mostly the stalking.

now it could be my lack of a life in general and JPs selfish decision to leave facebook, but the 'social networking' site is just not doing it for me these days. there is nothing on it really worth looking at. it is this realisation that rather than it being my friends fault (you know them being boring) it is actually my own fault. i am boring. when did this happen? probably during a stargate repeat marathon i realised actually how sad i am. now this isn't me fishing for complements or anything like that but merely the realisation that somethings in my life need to change.

i am not about to do anything drastic like become vegan and start referring to myself with some kind of amusing alias but little things might be in need of some altering. not going to tell you what cause well there needs to be some surprise when i show up to physie class in a lycra onesie and a mohawke but yes times they are a changing.

sorry no real point to this back to buzzcocks!

i smoke, and i vote!

let me preface this post by saying, smoking is bad it causes cancer and i am under no allusions that there is hard scientific proof to back this up. i'm not stupid i know this. though, i do continue to smoke and yes i know THIS is stupid.

a massive hike in the tax on cigarettes began in new south wales last weekend. 2.5% is a lot in the grand scheme of things and the reasons behind this are highly questionable. the tax hike is posited by governments to be purely for health concerns. as though, smokes will now quit because per packet the price has risen about $1 per 25 pack. one, this won't work two, this also won't stop people taking up smoking and three, it isn't the only reason for the tax. there are other incentives to this tax that are far less noble than, 'we want the youth of australia to live long, happy, cancer free lives'.

we all know tobacco companies are evil. we as evil as mcdonalds yet the are perhaps less nasty than their modern day fast food friends. this is due mostly to restrictions governments around the world to undermine companies freedom to for example target their product to young consumers. this is a good thing. kids shouldn't be smoking. they are still developing physically and mentally; having such a vice at a young age IS dangerous.

the right to choose as an adult is a god given rite. if you want to eat meat then you do. if you don't want to own a hand gun then you don't. but upping the price of either of these products is not going to deter people from purchasing them.

the real reason behind the new tax has got to be far more consumer based. capitalism is more powerful than democracy in first world countries like australia or america. politicians and leaders understand this. people smoke tobacco, tobacco comanies make money and governments want a piece of the action. money is a far greater motive than interest in public health during a global economic crisis. why not be up font about this? why not say we want smokers money? well going into a federal election, smokers vote too.

we have come to expect this kind of underhandedness from our conservative liberal party leaders. but krudd, give us a break! why aren't you upping the price of your precious queensland beer xxxx? oooh right, cause its not at all addictive, harmful and doesn't have greater social implications. more aussies drink and vote than smoke and vote.

light up a cigarette for democracy! its your civic duty!

oh what fresh hell is this?

what would roger the alien do? today i got some new eps of american dad! i don't care what people say, it is better than family guy! all thanks to the greatness of roger the alien! a guy who is usually always drunk and dressed in elaborate costumes with wigs and hilarious catch phrases. this weeks episode about the apocalypse, 'raptures delight', sees roger take on the absurdity of religion from an 'outsiders' perspective. if only i was a clever as this lazy other worlder.

oh i love your religion for the crazy! virgin births, water into wine....it's like harry potter but it causes genocide and bad folk music.

what's the rapture? its the first sign of the end of the world when good christians ascent to heaven! ascend?! you're flying now!

i hope i haven't missed the bit where the three chinese guys give perfume to the star baby ha ha it's like the diaries of a madman.

boulangerie, which is fun to go into and to say.

i am always looking for new blog topics as i am pretty immersed in my own narcissistic ramblings and have stumbled upon what i think is possibly the greatest topic EVER. cake! yes cake! i really do love cake and i feel because of health hippys and nutrition nazis that it gets a pretty bad wrap these days and needs a little love.

now, my love for cake, like most of us, began when i was a child. it is a love that has continued into adulthood and shows no signs of fading. i understand that this is a weird thing to rant about and perhaps is a waste of the internets precious time and space but, it's my blog and i'll write what i want to. what was i saying? oh yes icing. icing, in my opinion, is the most hit and miss part of a cakes makeup. if the first thing i taste is bad, then i'm moving on....not that i won't eat it but, i will complain. secondly, and of equal importance is the main body of cake. a good cake is like a good house, if its foundations are bad then the whole thing won't taste good.

right, well i think that analogy could have gone better but anyway.... unless your diabetic or amish (they don't have icing, a cake is not a cake without icing) you should be eating at least one piece of cake per week. i might actually request some government advertising to this affect. the slogan could be, "you can't drink too much, you can't smoke, you can't eat fast food and killing is generally frowned on. still you can have some cake 'cause its FUN!". everything that is bad for you is fun. so, you should pick the lesser of evils and just drop by michel's patisserie today for some afternoon delight. the french have the right idea. no one goes to church. we're all going to die, may as well make a fraking nice cake.

unless your diabetic....or amish.

bicycle! bicycle!

bike update! i unfortunately, didn't win evangeline aka the red bike. BUT yesterday i was lucky enough to bag a freakin bargain! look there she is! i pick her up tomorrow! the thing of it is she needs a name. all ideas are welcome! and the winner of the name contest will win a prize, not sure what the prize is but it will be magnificent!

i hate that i live in a country that would give matty a second chance!

as you may or may not know i hate rugby league, almost as much as i hate the foo fighters and the red hot chilli peppers. the whole game and the culture that surrounds it glorifies recreational violence, binge drinking and elevates brainless steroid riddled sexist 'athletes' to the status of gods.

this all comes from my anger that i live in a country that would give matthew 'matty' johns a second, wait third, hang on sixth chance. how many times are australian league fans willing to look past sexual impropriety because....well the guy is funny? he can make a penis joke AND insult the sexual revolution at the same time. and who said men can't multitask?

though this has larger ramifications in my mind as none of this raises any alarm bells anymore. no one really cares or is even remotely surprised when our great athletes are caught in a hotel room with cocaine and prostitutes! just so long as the police don't lay charges it's all ok. rugby league is perhaps not the only or even worst offender in raising athletes with the emotional range of a teaspoon. but, as i live in new south wales they are all over the media i consume. now i'm not saying that all of the members are like this but, they are happy to play on teams with men who at very worst rape women and on the tamer side strip down to their undies, dance on a table top then drive home with a blood alcohol reading three times the legal limit.

these are the men who are role models to young new south waliens! teaching young boys that if you train real hard and show up every saturday morning at your match you could grow up and get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars. then you can run people down with your car and be famous enough to get away with it. not to mention the way they will look at women. as objects to use as an attractive date to some sort of awards show who really love them for their winning personality, ability to quote episodes of the footy show and not their cash.

there is some 'hope' though. the balmain tigers have implemented etiquette classes for its players. how to ask a question without ending the sentence with a proposition and using unfamiliar words like 'please' and 'thank you'. it is also frowned upon calling a date a 'hoe' and instead telling her she looks pretty and holding a door for her. this isn't in my mind enough, but it is a start. it's a bit like teaching a monkey sign language and how to not throw faeces, difficult. moreover, it is a bit late. by the time these men reach the professional level of the game they aren't likely to change their behaviour. and why should they? they are at the peak of their physical fitness, are rewarded handsomely for that and are getting laid by cheap flooseys. they don't need to change the habit of a life time. not when it's working for them.

the australian rugby leagues institutional sexism needs to be stemmed earlier in these athletes careers and men like matthew johns should not be given an unlimited amount of second chances. the real world doesn't work that way. not for us poor folk at the very least.

'the moonlighting effect'....gah its all the 80s fault!

SPOILER ALERT for bones fans, if you don't want to know what happened in this weeks (in america) 100th episode do not read any further.

now that i'm done with the legalities, on with the rant.

after watching this weeks great episode i was left sad and angry. the impassioned bitch session i had with my sister this afternoon has spurred on this post. the fab ep finished with the booth/bones love going the way of the dinosaurs. the possibility of them ending up married in a house in the suburbs with 2.5 children ended in a spectacular car crash of disappointment. g-man booth declaring his love to odd-ball scientist bones was met with a definitive no, on the later character part. fans of the show have jumped on the idea of killing the producer of the show hart hanson for shooting down all their hope and i'll admit i did this to for about an hour or so. that is, right up until i figured out whose fault it REALLY was. moonlighting!

bit of tv history, moonlighting was a show in the late 80s. half way through the shows run gave fans what they wanted. madeline and david having hot hot sex after two years of ust (unresolved sexual tension, you all don't want to know how i know that). this has been largely attributed to the shows declining ratings and the shows eventual cancellation. after this producers have for some reason figured that americans don't want happy couples on their screens. they prefer them moody and well, horney.

there are many MANY examples of this in recent tv shows. mulder and scully are a prime example. the x files creator chris carter was terrified that the show would get cancelled if he put his dynamic duo in a official romantic relationship. even when they did eventually 'hook up' in season 7 it was never clarified and even in the shows season 8 finale is wasn't made clear if scully's son was mulder's also. why is this? is it really all about keeping audiences happy and thus keeping the studio happy? or does no producer have the guts to subvert the norm, have some confidence in their characters and their writers and give the shippers what they want?

now i know this is trivial but it is really starting to piss me off. how many episodes must i watch of house and cuddy make googlie eyes and spew dialogue with barely veiled sexual subtext? EVEN when we all thought house and cuddy had finally done the underpants charleston, it was all a drug addled delusion! but no we are forced into the same dysfunctional cycle season after season. 'common greg yaitanes take a risk! put them together or rip them apart at this stage i no longer care, anything is better than this emotional merry-go-round!

the thing of it is, 'the moonlighting effect' doesn't actually stand up to much serious scrutiny. the reason the show wasn't renewed for a 4th season was because cybill shepherd (madeline) and bruce willis (david) HATED each other. the set was a battle ground by all reports. that and glen gordon caron (the shows creator) is a hack, for gods sake he went on to create medium. eeewwww. no one likes to see patricia arquette employed.

for a longer more eloquent account of television romance check this article out.