mellowing in my old age....kind of. ok maybe not.

a few weekends ago i attended a lovely wedding. the best kind, with a bride and groom that you actually like and can stomach how much in love they are, without day-dreaming about taking a firearm to the crowded reception. not that i'm bitter. well, that's not entirely true. i am, but i wasn't that day. furthermore, i think the experience of actively enjoying a wedding, sans feeling the need to get completely trollied on free wine, has softened my view on god.

ok so let me explain. religious weddings usually make my very cynical atheist side come out. that day, i tried really hard not to mock or giggle. right, so i giggled a little bit.... still, in my active repression (of which i have years of catholic church-going practice) i found myself listening. i'm not saying i believe in god now. i haven't seen the light and i still think strong belief in god is a bit mad BUT maybe, just maybe, denying the existence of god is as moronic as believing in one.

as a result of this, i did what i have always done. go a reading. so i read-up a bit. philosophy is generally fun for me, saves me having to think up my own ideas, and i found a very interesting guy called robert g. ingersoll. an american political leader, don't worry he wasn't very 'good' at that, and orator during the 19th century. he gave a speech in 1896 entitled, 'why i am an agnostic'. it spoke to me, answered some questions i hadn't known to ask.

ingersoll wrote, "is there a supernatural power-an arbitrary mind-an enthroned god-a supreme will that sways the tides and currents of the world-to which all causes bow? i do not deny. i do not know-but i do not believe. i believe that the natural is supreme-that from the infinite chain no link can be lost or broken-that there us no supernatural power that can answer prayer- no power that worship can persuade or change-now power that cares for man.

i believe that with infinite arms nature embraces the all-that there is no inference-no chance-that behind every event are the necessary and countless causes, and that beyond every event will be and must be necessary and countless effects.

is there a god? i do not know. is man immortal? i do not know. one thing i do know, and that is, that neither hope, nor fear, belief, nor denial, change the fact. it is as it is, and it will be as it must be."

i like this on many levels but, to name just two. nature, science, evolution and humanity in my mind are all linked. to stop looking to the heavens for answers and instead look at each other i think is, not only powerful but, also sensible and practical if you want actual answers about life, the universe and everything. secondly, his ideas of prayer as essentially scripted hoping. this desire for certain things to happen if we hope/pray really really hard will make some blind bit of difference. good people that do good things for the right reason, is in my mind, far better use of their time on earth than spending hours and hours of their life in a draughty old church (where god lives) and recite barely remembered scripture like it was a song from childhood.

so this is me softened. hmmm maybe not in hind sight, but still i was genuinely happy for the bride and groom even if i do think they were brought together by a random series of events over thousands and thousands of years and not god. because if so, where is my knight in shinning armour? ok maybe a lot bitter.

congrats guys! hope you like the egg rings.

my world is all askew!

i have just discovered that there is a physie book and feel like i have stumbled into the twilight zone. i really shouldn't be surprised but, to think that our small sport has a book that has actually been published seems a bit, i dunno, weird. now, i'm not about to start critiquing the book because, quite simply, i haven't read it.

still, it was written by a physie girl (danielle walsh) about a physie girl so, that is a good sign. william faulkner suggested, you should always write about what you know, unless of course you are emily dickinson then you have the skill to do whatever you want. anyway, you can get a copy here, if you like physie. from reading the blurb, a very 'up' positive take on our wildly odd sport can be found in this first step into the world children's literacy.

also, i'm not above asking for a free copy in exchange for an actual, well thought out, review. so, free copy please. i'll be nice, i promise. ok fine, i'll be honest.

time waits for no man.

last thursday the lovely miss emma took me to her friends acoustic gig at the otis bar, wollongong. local kids 'sunday waits' have a very mellow vibe about them.... though, of course that could just be their acoustic sound. the band is very much a family affair and i think this contributes to the honesty of song lyrics and not to mention that the chorus' are insanely infectious. now, i bought their self titled cd that you can pick up at any of their many upcoming shows. also, they are looking for a new drummer so if you are one or know one direct them here.

great night chatting with one of my best mates over a few glasses of wine. whilst sitting down, i do love sitting down. twas all very civilised. nice change from the usual wollongong night life. even if the place was littered with regular customers from work. ha.

unemployment leads to fun, that's what your mum doesn't tell you.

now don't flip, i've not been fired. but as i'm working on a rather large blog post, coming to a computer screen near you sometime next week, and i have been neglecting my blog. but what to blog? today at work, when on my break, i received perhaps the oddest and radtastic email. the young miss emma has far too much time on her hands and an intricate knowledge of iphone applications. thus, this picture was born. i really love it! ultimate complement, it is now my facebook profile pic.

this got me thinking. em put this picture together so well cause she is one of my best friends. that is also pretty amazing. anyone that knows her, knows that she is the embodiment of niceness. a trait that people never fail to undervalue, in my opinion. the fact of the matter is, for such a nice, genuine, cool, pun-loving, smart chick to be friends with a grump like me is a complete complement. our personal self-worth (though not entirely) is reflected in our friends. with friends like emma, you don't need to worry about being stuck at waterfall station at 2am....

stay tuned gentle readers for my mock up eulogy (meaning, 'good word') for jp AND my cadburys easter egg fair trade expose.

my little corner of its world is doing just fine.

now i don't usually blog about physie because well, my strong opinions tend to get me into trouble. it's a comparatively small community, i guess. now i understand my angry rant-like post tend to be more popular but in this one ive decided to be positive and mature. because kissing ass tends to be a more successful way of getting what you want off a judge....but that's going in the getting yelled at, agent86 'physie.comesq' territory.

so physie class is tonight and this year i did honestly consider not going back. now before some people start wigging out, there were very specific reason for this. it is my firm belief that some aspects of this sport are broken. methods of judging has been a much loved gripe of mine and i think as a result, i have come off as bitter and well slightly nuts in the past. but all this is second to the fact that last year i worked my ass off (two teams was super fun but my body hated me by december) and competed in the individual competitions hoping as usual for a place in the national final. now i've missed out on this final many many MANY times but last year was especially difficult. now i think there were a few personal factors for this but you can ask mel, i lost it. quite embarrassing now really and i'm not sure that i can do that again.

BUT having said all this i have gone back. i'm a glutton for mental and physical torture it seems. still, the only reason that i did choose to go back this year was my physie classmates. i have listened to physie elders/associates for years spouting the sports mantraish tag-line, 'physie is about fun and friendship' and always thought it was a cover for fierce competition and general girly bitchiness. it was not until this year that i actually bought what the boss' were selling.

physie might have its serious problems but my little corner of its world is doing just fine.

holidays suck for the homeless

i have a ridiculous amount of time on my hands and very little money once i pay for the essentials like: rent, electricity, wine and american apparel tops. makes holidays far less fun i can tell you. on the up side i've gone through a months worth of internet in 4 days and have almost finished my latest book.

still, its like a physie comp without the big hair and large amounts of fake tan. isn't as fun, even if it probably is better for me in the long run. then again i do now get to watch the bill episodes from the 90s...only so many times u can watch jim carver self destruct before you want to give him a slap and tell him to grow the bloody hell up.

so the job hunt must begin, i suppose. tomorrow, will do the walk of shame from cafe to cafe like a whore without a pimp. meh. the bdo, good pals and mums love and cooking will help a lot!!